4 July 2011
A FEW MONTHS ago, I was walking in the park with a friend. He told me how he liked to see if he could hop boulder to boulder, to traverse the length of the park without touching the ground. The rocks look like this:
Rock hopping in the park
My friend is 45 years old. I followed his lead. Most gaps were fairly easy to jump across; some took a bit of thought as to how I’d land. I felt like a kid. One of the gaps was pretty big and the landing on the other rock difficult. A long stick lay on the ground. Images from movies popped into my head. I could pole vault over to the other rock. Brilliant. I planted the stick in the ground between the rocks, gathered my courage, and jumped.
The stick held, which was good. My landing was not so good. My foot made it to a vertical part of the boulder, slipped off, and I landed on my left hip on top of the rock. I did, however, manage to hold on and pull myself up. The rest of the way was easy again. I cruised to the other end, bruised hip and all.
I thought about it as I walked home. It had been a long, long while since I spontaneously did something like that. A physical challenge that had some risk built into it, a very real possibility of injuring myself. I took note of the feelings. I felt invigorated; I felt immature; I felt excited. The fall onto my hip was not just a jolt of pain, it was also a jolt of aliveness.
In any given moment, a man’s growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear. He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort. Nor should he push far beyond his edge, stressing himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience.
He should lean just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything he does. ~ David Deida in The Way of the Superior Man
Today I went rock climbing with my friend, Hannah. It was my first “real” climbing experience. Hannah taught me how to belay and she talked me through some of the harder sections of the climbs. On my first climb I slipped and swung on the rope. Hannah had me, but I bashed my knee and scraped my upper left arm. There was that jolt of aliveness again.
At the top, when it was time to come down, I felt fear as I prepared myself to be belayed down the rock. It’s an uncomfortable feeling being up there, holding on for dear life, chest pressed against the wall, yet knowing that to come down you must let go. You have to let go, lean back, and trust.
After a few deep breaths and a final exhale, I let go of the rock and sat back in my harness. Hannah had me. The ordeal was much more comfortable the next two climbs, although I couldn’t quite reach the top on either. I haven’t determined if that was due to muscle fatigue or fear. I think probably a bit of both.
* * *
I grew up skateboarding in my tweens/early teens and snowboarding in my adult life. Both are activities that lend themselves to high risk of injury. Yet other than a bit of road rash and snow up my jacket and down my pants, I never had a serious injury.
I was very competent at skateboarding and I’d consider myself to be a good snowboarder, and while I don’t think I necessarily needed to injure myself to prove anything, I think the lack of broken bones and sprains is an indication of something.
Me skateboarding at age, oh, 11 or so
An indication of my fear, of holding back because I felt uncomfortable. I found a comfort zone and stayed in it. I got stagnant in my skills in both sports because I feared pushing ahead. A few years ago I gave downhill mountain biking a go. I’d head up Mt. Seymour on Vancouver’s North Shore with my older brother and shudder down the trails.
Twice I flipped over my handlebars. It was two times too many. After the second time, the fear overtook me and I had to walk the bike down the gnarlier bits. It was the last time I rode downhill.
* * *
A few last words from David Deida:
“Your fear is the sharpest definition of yourself. You should know it. You should feel it virtually constantly. Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it…Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now.” 
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Haha, nice Tremors reference.
Rock hopping is awesome. My sister and I used to do that on family hikes. Been awhile…I’ll have to try again.
Thanks Hal…the Tremors reference was accidental! Or perhaps subconscious…
I like the references to “The Way of the Superior Man”. I also like anyone who is willing to talk about fear. Ah, fear. It’s a good one
Fear is scary, Kendra
yay for over coming fears and being spontaneous!
I don’t know if I ever could do those things, but I would like to think that I would try
First of all…let me say kudos for landing that jump there at 11 yrs old. You did land it right? :->
But seriously…either way…I’m not sure how that betrays a conservative strain. BUT I do know where you are coming from. I think people take risk in a variety of ways. Although I had a couple injuries from biking & sports, I think I took more risk in just being slightly rebellious/deviant towards some of my parents rules.
Great post…and subject. I also liked that quote from David Deida in The Way of the Superior Man. I’m going to have to check it out. Sums it up quite nicely.
Thanks Veron. Yes, I did land it
I used to do more crazy stuff than that. Yeah, I can’t say for certain that I needed to have a serious injury to progress myself in those sports. Maybe I was just a natural and never hurt myself, then got out of the game before anything serious happened 
I really don’t know…what I do know is that those who excel to the top of their fields (sports or whatever) are the ones who do face their fears straight on and learn to deal with them. I like Deida’s balance in these quotes. That too far on either side of that “edge” is not good…what he says is to find your edge, and live just beyond it…if you want to grow, that is.
I highly recommend the book. It’s a good guide for the “spiritual” man in the 21st century. I wish I’d read it before I met my now ex-wife
“An indication of my fear, of holding back because I felt uncomfortable.” How much do we all do that in daily life? Our lives are full of it.
Great post (except for the DD quotes, of course
. Can relate it really to so many things…
I tried rock climbing for the first time last week toooooo! Well, like 10 days ago. But whatever. I was too afraid to even consider the idea before then. Go us!
I dont know Carlos “the ones who do face their fears straight on and learn to deal with them.” I bet you’d find that; although they excel in a certain sport, they don’t tend to challenge themselves in other areas of their lives.. normally Personal.
As I get older I find myself weighing the cost of injury and pain to that of how much time it takes to heal, and at what cost will I have to give up something I do like because of that injury. (if I was injured of course) I know I don’t do any of the stuff that could cause me to have down time.. too many people count on me right now. If I had no one that needed me I would be more generous with my ventures.
Hi Kellie…I certainly am not limiting facing fears to sport or any physical activity. I am also talking fear in all aspects of life. I’m actually talking more about the fears we have around emotions, our fear of being real, of being ourselves. Facing these kinds of fears in the past year has been big for me. It may not have been very obvious in this post because I used pretty literal examples, but underneath that for me is the personal growth.
You felt invigorated, immature and excited. Those are the kinds of emotions one rarely feels all at once without experiencing a new challenge. I find sometimes when I’m exercising that I’m on auto-pilot – running the same distance with the same pace or lifting a weights with set repetitions. I’m going to test myself a little bit tomorrow without being reckless.